the fourth at the farm

I haven't been doing that great in the blogging department as of late.  So after this post I am officially signing off until August, partially to give myself a break in the guilt department.  After all, in the next month we have a wedding to get through (my sister's), a visit from extended family to host, a third trimester to tackle, and we are trying to fit a vacation in somewhere in the middle.  It exhausts me just thinking about all of that fun.

We also have this party to recover from, though it was well worth the hangover of throbbing ankles and knees I am experiencing today.  I temporarily forgot that I am 30 weeks pregnant and did not sit down for the majority of the day.  Today I feel like I might be turning 75 next week.  Alas, our bodies are only temporary.

Barn parties were part of the original vision when we bought this beat up property.  No better time than July 4th to celebrate family farm fun.  The weather was perfect, the food was delicious, and the friendship topped it all.  If you weren't invited, it was an oversight.  We would have welcomed you with open arms!  That is, as long as you brought something yummy to eat. 

The activities included horseshoes, face-painting,

Thank you, Gretchen, for using your artistic genius to bless Annike with a penguin on her cheek!!  Sofia has an American heart-shaped flag.

This little gal got a ladybug on her hand.

... and tractor rides... which were definitely Christian's, I mean, the children's favorite event!

He even got a little mowing done in the process.

Those are definitely gleeful faces.  Christian kept mentioning that he could remember their giggles and squeals throughout the night.

Next year we will add in the 3-legged race. 

But the truth is that none of these "activities" were necessary because being together with friends, that are more like family, is the best way to celebrate freedom.  We have the freedom in this country to fellowship with anyone we choose.  The freedom to walk where we want, when we want, how we want.  Most of all, we have the freedom to worship Who we want.  And that is something worth celebrating.

Until August... have a Joyful July!
Ashley

helper

My favorite little helper isn't always that helpful. 

The mess?  Those irritating styrofoam peanuts that arrive with breakable objects in the mail.  Whoever invented the stuff is on my hit list, and certainly has no children.  After the entertainment value of making it "snow" in the living room had passed, Annike says "Mama, should we clean?" and ran to grab the broom.

How can a mother say no to such willingness? 

I knew, of course, that the outcome of her interaction with the broom would be styrofoam beads spread into every little crevice in the living room.  I knew there would be no compact pile to sweep into the trash can.  But my response was one of patience and gentleness... Of course you can attempt to clean up your mess!

This little one loves to "help".  While much of me dreads the larger mess that will be created in the process, there is a knowing voice that whispers not to squelch her willing heart... to allow her the freedom to do something she really is not that good at yet... to be patient with her though the helpfulness might not be so helpful.

Yesterday, Annike got hungry a little earlier than usual.  Instead of the usual whining and sudden downturn in disposition, she pulled her little stool up to the kitchen counter top and said, "Mama, shall we make dinner?" 

Half of everything I cut up ended in her mouth.  She spilled vegetables on the floor and counter top - extra mess that I probably would not have made.  And it took me twice as long to make dinner because I had to keep pulling her fingers out of the food.  But in the middle of it all, she was involved in a way that made my heart happy. 

I am glad for her helpful spirit, despite the setbacks it may cause me.  There is something about her desire to help that gives me a glimpse into the little person God made her to be.  See, she isn't helpful because I have taught her well.  She is helpful because of the little personality that God gave her.  But don't go thinking I don't have an important role to play in it - I do!  I have the oh-so-important responsibility of shaping the personality that God has already given her.  I have the power to teach her helpfulness into the corner by squelching it, by opting to do tasks on my own because I am in a hurry (which I am, most of the time), by telling her no because she might make a bigger mess for me to clean.  Or I have the power to teach her that her helpfulness is a gift and she will shine when she uses it.

Don't get me wrong, it is not like Annike is dying to pick up her toys every time I ask her.  She has her tantrums and her rebellious moments.  No one ever had to teach a child to be selfish.  But the task of raising a child in a way that highlights the good, God-given, traits while minimizing the selfish, ugly glimpses of human nature is no small task.  It is our calling as prayerful mothers to discover those gifts in our children and encourage them to shine in this individual way... and in the meantime, God still has some work to do in me too through the discovery of it... like building a little patience in me.



Just so I don't feel too guilty posting this picture, I need to say that it was take right before I got pregnant, which is quite a few months ago now.  This means, unfortunately for me, that we both look a little different right now... but the look of pride in Annike's face when she helps is the same as always. 



life is like a birthday cake

Sweet. 
Surprising. 
Messy. 
Layered.
Adding a little pink never hurts.
Takes more effort if you want it to look good. 
Might taste better than it looks.
A moment of bliss may lead to a season of guilt.
An awful lot of work to make, but takes no effort to destroy.
Goes well with ice cream.

Life... and cake... worth taking a big bite of.

Happy Birthday to my husband!  He makes the messy things in life make sense... taste good... worth the work.
 
And he loves cake, probably more than this little gal, who is quite proud to have "helped".
 

In case you were wondering... 3-layer chocolate cake with vanilla pudding, banana, and berry jelly filling, and whipped cream frosting with chocolate shavings on top.  Yum.

vacation

Rest.  It is a good recipe for repairing family relationships, promoting sanity, and for becoming equipped to practice godly traits like having grace for people or being servant-hearted. 

God created human beings with the need to have regular rest in their lives - it is why He commanded a Sabbath so long ago.  It is probably why He designed us to need 8 or more hours of sleep a night.  He knew that we humans would get caught up in the hustle and forget to slow down.  He knew that we might spend our whole lives working if He didn't remind us to slow down to enjoy all that He created for us.  He knows us so well, that even if we don't understand why, when He tells us to get some rest, we should obey!!

It is simply amazing what a decent amount of sleep can do for a pregnant woman's personality.  After a restful, relaxing, restorative vacation in Kauai with the family, I feel more like myself than I have in 24 weeks.  Having no convenient Internet access was also a part of the hiatus - it meant that I got behind on blogging, but it also meant that the family had restful time to enjoy each other fully absent of everyday distractions. 

Though we have taken other trips with family and friends before, this was our first vacation with just the 3 of us.  Probably the last.

We spent a lot of time in the pool...

and collecting special objects at the beach...


Holding 2 large leaves that doubled as pretend fish

Holding a sea cucumber

... where we had trouble keeping Annike's bathing suit on.  No big surprise.

It was actually quite stormy while we were there.  We ran for cover on more than one occasion to hide out under a tree in a downpour.  But a little (or a lot) of rain never stopped us from having fun!

Mother's Day was celebrated with brunch and cards and a break from motherly duties like cooking and dishes.  Just the way I hope to always celebrate.

I had to throw this picture in because Annike finally looks like me in a photo!  She definitely has a lot of Daddy's features, but when she is squinting in the sun with a half smile, she looks a lot like me!

Overall, it was a wonderful time of togetherness.  A needed break from the tediums of life.  Rest and naps and sleep and more rest that we just don't seem to take time for back at home.  The kind of rest that I truly believe God would like us to incorporate more into our everyday routine, if not at least our weekly schedule.  What a tremendous gift!

answers

As I sit here at the computer, composing my thoughts, I am absolutely floored at the manner in which God chooses to answer prayers.  This verse, in Matthew 6:8, "for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him" has taken on completely new meaning for me.  I used to wonder if I should interpret it to mean that I do not really need to pray, because after all, God knows what I need.  But in today's case of answered prayer, a new dimension to the verse is realized.  Only God knows the unpredictability of the future and is able to provide for me in the areas which I have not yet discovered need prayer.  He knows what I need before I am aware of the need to ask Him.

This week has been a hectic, somewhat stressful, unpredictable week.  I can't explain how it feels to be picking up so many pieces for other people, and then at the end of it all, see that everything worked out just fine because God pitched in to pick up the last 4 missing pieces that were humanly impossible for me to notice.  In the moments when I felt helpless, I witnessed unexpected person after unexpected person step up to fill a need in a manner that far surpassed adequate.  I had to stand back in awe because nothing I could have knowingly prepared would have been better than what God pulled together last minute... at least, it seemed last minute to me.

Today was the biggest surprise of all as an unresolved issue with an acquaintance came to a turning point.  If I could go into detail without compromising someone else's right to privacy, I would.  Suffice it to say that my husband and I have been praying, searching, agonizing over an issue with this person for well over a year, and I frankly felt no hope for any resolution.  It is embarrassing to say that despite our prayers, I expected a rather mundane, lifeless outcome.  Instead, I am awed at the creativity of a God who literally makes ALL THINGS POSSIBLE.  Sure, God can move a mountain... if He wants to.  But how often do we see Mount Shasta get up and walk across California??  I saw a mountain move in our relationship with someone today, and a load of bricks lifted from my husband's shoulders at the same time.  To me, it was more impressive than seeing Mount Shasta walk to Washington state.

In the end, I am left humbled and aware of how little faith in God I actually have.  It feels like I have a lot of faith sometimes, but upon standing back to contemplate the events of my week I feel small, uncreative, and stuck in a box.  Most of all, I feel disappointed in myself that I did not expect BIGGER outcomes from God.  How is it that we can proclaim belief in the Creator of the universe, but put Him in a box that would fit in my living room.  How much greater would the outcomes of these answered prayers be if I had faith as big as a mustard seed?

knowing

With pregnancy#1, we chose not to find out the sex of the baby.  I remember the 20-week ultrasound, the one where they look at everything in detail, being difficult.  The gender information was right at the tip of my fingers, a turn-of-my-head away, and I chose to wait.

But after that point, I wouldn't have done it any other way.  It was so worthwhile to experience that intense excitement after the exhaustion of delivery, leaning my head back on the table, holding my breath until someone said "It's a GIRL!"  Especially when everyone had me convinced it was a boy.  And, secretly, I enjoyed not knowing the gender because it frustrated a number of people in my life who like to plan... tee hee.

This time around, we made the choice to find out the gender at the ultrasound.  The decision was primarily made in response to practicality... you know, it is easier to paint the room, buy new clothes, and prepare older sister for what lies ahead.  But even though everyone does it, knowing the gender of baby number 2 feels a little like cheating to me.  I feel like I have read the last page of a book prematurely, or eaten from the Tree of Knowledge.  Perhaps I glimpsed a little more than I should have, but there is no going back.  This piece of information is branded in my mind.

Of course I am excited to know, and was determined to adore whichever gender God chose for us.  But it is strange how a single piece of knowledge can set you down a specific path.  As if, prior to knowing, your destiny was unwritten.  Once your eyes have been opened, you not only see the path you will set down upon, but you can also see the paths you will not be taking.  I am not trying to be dramatic, comparing myself to Eve in the garden of Eden, but I imagine that when she ate of the Tree of Knowledge that her eyes were opened not only to who she was, but also to who she wasn't.  She was filled with disappointment that God had been trying to protect her from.  Hence the fig leaves.

Fortunately, disappointed does not describe me.  I am actually quite excited, and to accompany that excitement, I now have a distinctly gender-specific picture of what my future holds.  I couldn't be more overjoyed to have a future FULL OF PINK!!  (unless, of course, I had waited another 20 weeks or so to find out the gender at delivery... then I would have been over the top!)

There she is... WELCOME BABY GIRL!!!

Unfortunately, we did not come home with any cute profile shots.  We only have strange skull-baby to show off.  But I figure as long as she comes out with skin, she won't be nearly this scary.

Here are the girl parts... yep, I had trouble seeing them too.  On the left are her buns, with 3 little lines marking her labia.  The smaller dots in the middle are her feet or knees.

Annike believes she has known all along that a baby sister is coming.  We have tried to convince her that she would love a brother too, and that she knows many nice boys (Papa, Jameson, her grandpas).  She emphatically wanted a sister and is quite pleased that God put one in my tummy for her.  Sisters are a special breed of human.  I am glad she gets to have one.

source

Lately I just have not felt inspired to add to this blog.  Today I realized why.  I am drained physically all the time, which makes me drained emotionally, and ultimately drained Spiritually.   

I started this blog as a way of processing the things that God is teaching me.  Me, a child of God.  Processing all of the little life lessons He has for me.  Especially the lessons that arise as I grow with my child.

But lately, being drained, I have very little to give.  Some of that is the simple fact that I am pregnant and any excess energy goes toward growing a child in my womb.  A quite active child, I might add.  I could actually come up with a pretty good list of excuses for the exhaustion, like the second wave of construction in our home, potty-training (it has been a definite chore... I feel like I am nursing all over again), projects intended to bless others, launching a new Bible study through our church... But none of it really justifies my Spiritual exhaustion. 

I rely on so many different things to restore me... alone time, completed projects, affirmation from others, support from my husband, long naps, good books, conversations with friends... Only God is able to restore me in the way that I need.  No earthly thing will do the trick. 

God is the only source of hope, of joy, of energy.  Today I am stretched thin from giving in so many ways.  Lord, be my Source.

There I will go to the altar of God, to God—the source of all my joy.

I will praise you with my harp, O God, my God! 

Psalm 43:4

You are my refuge and my shield; your word is my only source of hope. 

Psalm 119:114

All praise to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

He is the source of every mercy and the God who comforts us. 

2 Corinthians 1:3