forgiveness

When I put my baby to bed, she screams her head off.  She is angry.  She gets sweaty and hot from all the crying.

After she wakes up, I peek over the edge of the crib and this is the look I get.

This is the face of forgiveness.

vacation

If Sommer counted as carry-on luggage, and I can legitimately argue that she did, then our airline travel consisted of 6 carry-on bags, 2 car seats, 1 checked piece of luggage, and only 2 adults to carry it all.  And we packed light.

After a laden walk into the airport, we were on our way to Kauai!  Both girls did really well on the plane, but I certainly don't want to fly to New Zealand with them any time soon.

The best part about Kauai vacation is having Papa around all the time!!  It is not just the girls who enjoy having him around - this is what makes it "vacation" for me too.  The adult to child ratio dramatically improves the odds of me getting to relax.

Thanks to the time change, we enjoyed many a beautiful sunrise.  In fact, I am not sure I have witnessed so many sunrises in a row ever before in my life.  Sleeping-in is definitely overrated.

Especially fun to witness was the way our daughters began to bond.  Not surprisingly, Sommer adores Annike.  It is only recently, however, that Annike has begun to enjoy Sommer too... finding ways to make her laugh, handing her toys, and playing silly games with her.  It gives me warm visions of the future memories they will have as their little friendship builds.

Everyone loved the water.  We changed into bathing suits four or more times a day.  Annike was quite the little fish in her water wings - and there was no shortage of imaginary games to play involving mermaids and turtles.

In the final hour of our trip, a nice gentleman offered to photograph the family.  Amazing to have a picture of all four of us together!

Thank you, Lord, for my wonderful family!  They are FUN, HEALTHY, and I can't think of anyone I would rather go on vacation with!

A video just for fun...

be mine

The first time I ever had a date on Valentine's Day was when I was dating my husband.  Boys weren't exactly knocking down my door to date me.  Needless to say, Valentine's Day is not a single-girl's favorite holiday... if you can even call it a holiday.  More like a Hallmark excuse.

My high school years were the hardest to accept a date-less Valentine's.  You remember the bouquets of balloons, and flowers, and chintzy white teddy bears with hearts on their paws that girls carried around school all day, flaunting their dating status to all.  I can distinctly picture myself eating lunch with two of my best girlfriends, and their boyfriends, and a lot of p.d.a. one particularly grim Valentine's day.  I was a definite 5th wheel with school-girl hopes that the boy I had a crush on might glance my way.  Nope.

It was a Valentine's day like this one that I came home from school and went straight to my room, closing the door to hide from the world of teenage boys that had rejected me.
A few hours later came a knock on the door.  In came my dad, recently home from work.  He had a gift for me.  A Valentine's gift to say he loved me.  It was a cheesy stuffed animal - a bee with a "bee mine" heart.  It isn't the gift that was important, but the fact that he gave it.  In that moment, amidst all the feelings of insecurity about myself and what boys in high school thought of me, I felt loved.

My dad gave me a much greater gift than a simple stuffed animal.  He gave me the gift of knowing what kind of love was important on Valentine's Day, and of knowing that I was loved by someone special.  I did not need to settle for some dweeby guy in high school who didn't know how to treat women.  Here I am, years later, actually thankful for the date-less Valentine's Days in my past.  Despite the years of feeling somewhat lonely and forlorn, I never gave a Valentine to someone who didn't deserve it.

Having two daughters scares me because in our world women are expected to sell their virtue for love.  In God's world, love protects our virtue.  Dads have the unique responsibility of loving their daughters in a way that will protect their virtue... a healthy, kind way that teaches them to be discerning about the different kinds of "love" that come along in life.

The man I married is now dad to our two precious daughters.  In our house, Valentine's Day is no longer simply a reason to bring out the romance.  It is one more opportunity to teach our children about the way God intended them to be loved.

gratitude

Every morning I awaken with my baby, and the feeling that I have been run over by a truck.  At least, I think I might feel the same if I was ever run over by a truck.  Instead, I have been awoken too many times through the night by a baby who has not yet learned that Mommy is nicer when she gets more sleep.  It takes every ounce of energy I have to open my eyes and drag myself out of bed.  And I wonder, will I make it through the day feeling this exhausted?  But every day, God give me the strength I need.  Once I am up (and have had that first cup of coffee) I actually feel pretty good.
For this I am grateful.

I have a 3-year-old.  She is going through a demanding phase.  I imagine I am not the only mom who wants to shout, Are you kidding me, Child?!?  I have devoted my entire day to entertaining you, picking up after you, feeding you, cleaning you, singing to you, reading to you, and driving you around!  I have given up my entire previous life of independence to care for you!!  And YOU are complaining about way I cut up your hot dog?!!  But I don't.  Instead I feel a deep compassion and love for this selfish child who God has entrusted to my care.  I am given patience where I had none.  Gentle words replace ugly ones. It is a genuine mothering miracle.
For this I am grateful.

My time is not my own.  It takes most of the morning to get myself dressed, let alone tidy up the breakfast dishes.  Entropy catches up to me quickly.  The children are incessant.  I can never quite recount what I have done between the hours of 7am and 11am, but I believe the time has vanished into filling the minor needs of my girls - making animals talk, changing a diaper, pulling out toys, feeding someone.  The day proceeds like this.  There is a point in the afternoon, far too brief but existent none-the-same, when both girls are napping (or at least quiet in their rooms.)  I sink into the couch, open my Bible, check email, or simply stare into empty space.  A tiny sliver of peace in a world of chaos.  The moment refreshes me.
For this I am grateful.

I am describing small, daily miracles.  Except that they are not small.  They are stuff life is made out of.  God gives us incredible strength to do what He asks us to do, to be who He asks us to be, to love how He asks us to love.
For this I am grateful.

In the new year I am making a conscious effort to practice the discipline of gratitude.  It is not a question of what I have to be grateful for, but whether I choose to see it.

This post is a follow up from my last post.

new year

It is not something I normally say, but I am relieved to be exiting 2011.  For me, it was a year essentially filled with not feeling good.  And I do truly recognize that I have little to complain about because I am not terminally ill and have the function of all of my limbs, etc.  But it was a selfish year, spent wallowing in the exhaustion of pregnancy, and spent uncomfortably summoning the motivation to do menial tasks.  Eternal hibernation sounded positive to me.  On top of it all, pregnancy hijacked my personality.  If you know me on a daily basis, thanks for not giving up on me.

As I emerge from the fog of a year spent not myself, I almost want to jump for joy as I see glimpses of the "me" I have been missing.  I feel motivated to start projects, to play with my kids, to make jokes, and wonder of all wonders, to make dinner!  (This is the one that really clued me in... for me to feel like making dinner means that I actually have extra energy.)  

The arrival of the new year always prompts my heart to change, and somehow make this next year count for more.  It is the opportunity to grab the map and make sure I know where I am going... and maybe plan out a better route than the one I have been on.

In the wake of this year of self-centeredness, New Year Resolutions seem pretty much expected.  I have nowhere to go but up.  So, taking the prostrate position, I asked God where He wants change in my life.  Then I asked Him to narrow it down a bit because His answers were overwhelming me.  Like I said, nowhere to go but up.

In the end, there are two specific areas I feel God is calling me to focus on this year: Gratitude and Generosity.  Two ways to make the year more about Him, and less about me.  Two attitudes that cannot fail.  Two tools for making me a more unselfish person.  Two steps closer to becoming the woman God wants me to be.

Gratitude - Focusing on God.  Choosing to see the "haves" in my life instead of the "have-nots".  Practicing the art of thankfulness again and again and again until it is not an outward effort, but overflows from a heart that is filled to the brim.

Generosity - Giving to others.  Not financially (why do we always think of generosity as being material?)  Generosity in every other way possible... in time, in effort, in words of affirmation, in thoughts toward others, in giving the benefit of the doubt, in not keeping track of what is fair but generously erring on the side of someone else.  

I would like to give a hearty welcome to this wonderfully new year, and wonderfully better version of myself.

december in review

Yes, I know, December has come and gone.  In most cases I am not quite sure where I find the time to blog, but in December the time literally did not exist.  After a busy month of prepping for Christmas Day, we awoke to find that Santa had left us a nasty cold virus under the Christmas tree.  I have been out of commission ever since, either caring for sick children or attempting to sleep off the cold myself.  Ahhh, precious sleep.  I am dreaming that the year 2012 will hold more sleep for me than the year 2011 did.

A few highlights from December...
Sommer got her first ride on the tractor.

A visit from my brother, and his first ride on the tractor too!

A visit from Oma and Opa.

A baby bunny.

Note: After this picture was taken, Sommer yanked out a fistful of bunny fur... whoops.  That darn clench reflex.  The baby bunny was released and seems to be doing just fine.

Special girl-bonding time.  (We are contemplating the possibility that Sommer may be part Inuit - must be Christian's Norwegian side of the family!)

In addition to the respiratory virus, Santa left us 3 goldfish and a castle for them to play in, per specific request by Annike.  He also left this in my stocking...

It was a good Christmas.

But, here we are in 2012... finally.  Between pregnancy and newbornland, I am not sure that 2011 was one of my finer years.  One year ago on January 1st, I found out I was pregnant with little Sommer.  It was a wonderful New Year's gift... and the rest of the year I didn't feel so great.  But she is worth it!  (At least, I think she will be one day).

I hereby raise a fictitious toast to a new year that holds more sleep and less physical discomfort, more thankfulness and less complaining.  And a toast to my fantastic husband, who really picks up the slack when I am not myself.  Thank you, Lord, for the new beginnings that cycle regularly through our lives.

christmas time is here

There are reasons we all love the holidays, and reasons we all dread them.  This week I am having my annual oh-no-I-haven't-started-Christmas-shopping-yet stress out session.  Every year I think I will be purchasing less presents than the year before, but I somehow get sucked into the mad dash of gift-buying as the actual day of Christmas approaches.  Sigh.

Materialism is why I dread Christmas. But there are plenty of reasons I love this time of year... the traditions, the nostalgia, the glow of white Christmas lights in my living room, the smell of pine needles, the crackle of the fireplace.  And some other favorites...


favorite morning ritual:  Eggnog instead of creamer in my coffee.

favorite holiday grocery item: Fondue (we buy pre-boxed at Nob Hill) - great for a festive dinner in minutes when you cut up a loaf of bread and an apple for dipping.  Yum!


favorite baked good:  Homemade Cinnamon Rolls.  The Pioneer Woman really rocks these.  Just when I was starting to lose the baby weight, I had to go and make some of these.  Oh well.  What crazy person tries to lose weight around the holidays anyway?

favorite family outing:  Cutting down the Christmas tree, of course!  We didn't cut it down this year, due to tricky nap schedules.  But we did make a special family outing and chose our together at a great little locally-owned and family-operated farm.  We tried a new variety (a Grand Fir) and it is one of the best trees we've had.

favorite activity with kids:  Decorating the Christmas tree.  Last year I hung all of the breakable ornaments at the top, and when our tree fell over in the middle of the night (huge crash, Christian thought we were being robbed, but no, it was just the tree on the ground) we lost the majority of our glass ornaments.  They were missed when I opened up the ornament box last week, but our tree is officially kid-friendly.  Hanging the ornaments was right up Annike's alley this year.  She had an incredible attention span for getting those tiny loops around the branches.  I had to redistribute when she wasn't looking.











favorite advent activity:  The Christmas story told in 24 parts.  We are loving this advent calendar, new this year from Oma, which tells the story of Mary and Baby Jesus in 24 tiny little doors.  In past years we have used the chocolate advent calendars, which are unquestionably meaningless.  Advent is more than simply counting down the days until Christmas, it is engaging in active preparation to celebrate the arrival of our Savior.

favorite secular christmas song:  Mariah Carey's "All I want for Christmas is You".  Yes, that is embarrassing to admit.  It takes me back to my college days (when that was everyone's favorite song.)


favorite spiritual christmas song: "Oh Holy Night".  I almost can't hear it without tearing up.


favorite christmas book:  What Child is This? by Caroline B. Cooney.  An easy one-day read.  This tiny book is about a foster child who makes her angel-tree wish for a family instead of something material like a pair of shoes.  I cry for the final half of the book.  It makes me want to adopt children.

favorite scripture passage:  Isaiah 9:6-7 "For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders.  And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.  Of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end..."


favorite old holiday tradition:  Listening to my dad read one of his favorite short stories to us: "A Christmas Memory" by Truman Capote.  He can't get through it without tearing up.  It isn't the story that I love; it is listening to the way the story moves my father that touches me.  Along with some humorous characterizations, the story captures the true essence of relationships at Christmas, and the beauty in a holiday tradition.  It almost makes fruitcake sound like a good idea.

favorite new holiday tradition:  Anonymous giving.  I wrote about one of our favorite family traditions in my blog post last year, here.  We did not get on the ball to adopt a family this year (that seems to be a theme for my life this fall... not being on top of things), but the act of giving, especially anonymously, is surely the action I think the most about upon exiting December.  As a young family we are still in the stage of creating traditions.  I pray that my me-centered-children learn to derive more joy from the act of sharing our abundance with others than they do from receiving gifts.  Pretty sure they are not there yet.  Hopefully with consistency and a lot of emphasis on what is truly important, they too, will grow to love the giving opportunities this season provides.






I feel better already, just focusing on the reasons to adore this month of Christmas.  I just might decide to forego the rest of my shopping (and stress) and enjoy some more meaningful traditions instead.

Merry Christmas!

I linked up with Not My Own to share about intentional family traditions at Christmas

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