learning to love

As part of our summer plan for "success" (ie: Momma not pulling her hair out every time the children are arguing over a toy they never want to play with until someone else is holding it), we are memorizing the whole chapter of 1 Corinthians 13, the love chapter in the Bible. The goal is one verse per week.

It is the passage most commonly read at weddings, but is feeling awfully applicable this summer. There is nothing like an extended period of togetherness to highlight all of the areas that a person needs work. Part of learning to enjoy our summer togetherness is learning to treat each other right. No better lesson book than the Bible when it comes to learning about that...

"Love is patient,

love is kind.

It does not envy,

it does not boast,

it is not proud.

It is not rude,

it is not self-seeking,

it is not easily angered,

it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails...."

1 Corinthians 13

It turns out that most of my little family's arguments can be solved by working on one of the phrases from this verse.

...Girls, instead of fighting, let's share our toys. Remember "love is not self-seeking".

...You need to use a nicer tone of voice with me. Remember "love is not rude".

...Wait your turn. Remember "love is patient".

...Try not to get frustrated with each other. Remember "love is not easily angered".

Inevitably, when I begin to work on something with my children, my own heart simultaneously gets a makeover. This summer I keep personally getting stuck at the beginning: "Love is patient, love is kind." Getting those two things right changes the entire trajectory of our day.

The golden rule of family love is that it must always protect, always trust, always hope, always persevere. Love never fails.

mother's prayer

We started off the summer on a bad note. Within an hour of awakening on Annike's first day home I was angry, frustrated, impatient, and found myself using a military tone with my children. Of course, this is because they were whining, arguing, ignoring me, and generally being unpleasant. It may be well-deserved, but this is not how I want the summer to go.

I am morally against planning up every moment of the summer because I sincerely believe in the health of unstructured time. Unplanned hours are when children learn to be creative, when they exercise skills I didn't know they had, and when they first practice self-motivation. Their future world has plenty of structure and they need freedom to simply be kids. But I also don't want to spend the next few months dreading the way we will spend our days together. (See last summer's post here... I am still striving to avoid survival mode!)

Not wanting to fall into a cycle of frustrated, negative, parenting this summer, today started with a prayer:

A Mother's Prayer for Summer

Dearest Lord of All Seasons,

Bless our time of togetherness.

May I treasure up today for tomorrow it will be gone.

May we strike the delicate balance between rest and activity.

May our unstructured hours be fruitful in the ways that matter most.

May our boredom be fought with creativity.

May our whining be fought with gratitude.

May our arguing be fought with appreciation.

May our selfishness be fought with perspective.

Guide us as we choose our words, our hearts, our attitudes.

Together life is better, we laugh longer, we love stronger.

Help us view each day a unique opportunity.

The lesson isn't just for them. It also is for me.

Amen.

I am also re-convicted to be consistent with our family breakfast devotional time. My friend's blog at Not My Own once recommended the VeggieTales "365 Very Veggie Devos", and I must agree that it feels just right for small children. The short and simple lessons are about sharing, telling the truth, being kind, obeying - all very applicable to the little group listening. If you aren't currently using something you like, I recommend it!

We also started a summertime sticker chart with the goal of keeping us intentional and providing alternatives to television as a time-filler. I made Annike's first, and wrote the title at the top:

"Annike's Summer Chart".  

Annike was participating, and as I moved on to the second chart, she suggested I write:

"Sommer's Annike Chart."

Hmmm. A bit confusing when you name a child after a season.

So this is how our summer will go. It is never too late to start over, set some better goals, and PRAY for the Lord to bless our endeavors!

(This video made me laugh. I hope you are not viewing it sideways. The narrative is not important, but the joy of watching my three kids fill up the swing set is. Anyone want to join us at the park?!)

writing

For Opa's birthday, which happens to be today, Annike wrote her name for the very first time!! It is Uncle Ryan's birthday today too, but Annike only wrote her name once... sorry Ryan!  Opa is a little bit older and perhaps he has earned the honor of Annike's name in his card the most.

Can you see it?  Don't let the big fish next to the letter "A" throw you off.  The rest of her name is at the bottom.  The squiggly lines at the top are what she usually writes in cards and calls "writing".  She insists that I read it back to her, because after all, she can't read.  "Since you know how to write, isn't it time to learn to read?" I ask her.  This argument carries no weight.

I know that Annike has been capable of writing her name for a while now, but has simply not wanted to try.  Trying meant to her that she might fail.  It is a little heart-breaking to see such a young child so afraid of failing. The over-achiever in me wanted her to be an over-achiever and learn to write her name early (just being honest here, folks!)  But kids don't really work like that.

As her mother, my job is not to push her into things that I want her to do.  My job, instead, is to understand the little person that God created her to be, and help her become the best version of herself.  This has little to do with academics and a lot to do with shepherding her little personality.  In this case, it is understanding that she is a sit-back-and-observe kind of girl who will not perform on anyone else's agenda.  And when I put it that way, I think that is a pretty good personality trait to have.

So, the next time she writes her name will be, once again, on her timetable.  For all I know, it might be next year.  In the mean time I am going to shepherd, direct, and channel this special child of mine who is emerging out of toddler-hood into a little person.  The good stuff can't be rushed.

gifts

Someone told me it was amazing what you could get done when your baby arrives late.  It's true.

In fact, I am even beginning to see this time as a special gift.  Most of my pregnancy has been insanely busy - with weddings and weekend trips and construction projects and entertaining guests, all on top of the added exhaustion and enervation that is part of being pregnant.

But this final month of my pregnancy we cleared the calendar.  This was not done out of some sort of discipline where we recognized a need to slow down for the sake of our family.  It was done because Baby was about to arrive.  It was done because during my first pregnancy I was very sick in the final month.  Sick enough that the doctor wanted to induce me early, and Annike was born at 5 pounds, 12 ounces.

This time around, we slowed down out of necessity.  Of course, Baby has not come early, and this final month has felt very long.  But in the meantime, we have been given many gifts.

Like today... we spent the afternoon at the county fair, eating ice cream and petting the animals.  Annike's birthday is rapidly approaching and is now quite likely to be overlooked in the hospital madness that is sure to come, so we have seized the opportunity to celebrate early.  Lucky girl, she just might get to celebrate all week long!

And, while we have waited for our little precious bundle to arrive, we have not been idle.  It turns out that there is no such thing as nursery bedding in the colors pink, red, and yellow.  As a self-taught seamstress, I decided to attempt this "minor" sewing project... which quickly turned into a major one.  Each week that went by found me to adding a matching item to the crib bumper, like a bed ruffle, some curtains, a matching pillow, and next up is going to be a diaper holder.  My style of sewing never includes a pattern, so if you visit please do me the favor of arriving with an uncritical eye!

Our spring construction project was reconfiguring this bathroom, and I have finally had a little time to hang the towels and decorate.

These are just a few of the little gifts that have been given in the waiting period.  But the true gifts have been more recently realized...
I finally have the sincere recognition that we should cherish our final season as a family of three.  There was a God-given opportunity to encourage and pray with a dear friend this week.  Christian had the opportunity to speak wisdom into the life of a loved one, uplifting a depressed soul.  We faced Divine appointments with the full attention they warranted.  Encounters that would have been completely missed in the necessarily self-absorbed season of caring for a newborn.

Let's face it, patience is one of those things that none of us are very good at.  But it seems that God often, possibly always, has a plan for us in the waiting period.  I never would have planned this time of waiting into my own life, but I thank the Lord that He did.  And I thank Him for the Divine gifts that were discovered.