a roll in the mud

These are the final days of summer. Sigh.

This is good news and bad news. The good news being that I will get to go grocery shopping with only two children in my cart, which will be a piece of cake. There will be a lot more room for food too. The bad news is, well, that summer is almost over.

When we moved to this farm over four years ago, I had no idea it meant that we would become a real farm family, unafraid of things like mice and dirt and eating fruit with worms in it. My girls can rock playing in the mud, and my little boy is learning fast. 

I've never wanted to be particularly uptight about letting my kids get dirty. As it turns out, they are covered in dirt often as a regular part of going outside. It just seems like part of a healthy childhood to allow some filth, even if it ends up meaning more laundry for me. And as much as is in my control, I would like to give my children a healthy childhood.

Like moths to a flame are children to mud. At some point between childhood and now I lost my desire to roll around in the mud, and they will lose it too. Is it because I did it enough to purge the need from my system? Or because my imagination has dulled? Or because I became too darn practical and don't want to take time out for a second shower today? Probably all of the above.

We spend a fair amount of time holding back as adults. Too many reasons to be responsible. Too many things to feel self-conscious over. Too much fear of the future. These are hindrances children don't inherently have, and I am oh so glad to celebrate this freedom of theirs for a few more years. That's what summer days are all about.

Rolling in the mud is a good reminder to celebrate the season we are in now. To celebrate today without anxieties about what may or may not be next. To temporarily let go of the "what might happen"s and the "I don't feel like getting dirty"s in order to engage in what is happening at this very moment. It means having a sense of humor when someone squirts you with a hose, instead of my newest adult tendency to snap at the person who did it. In these final warm days of August, go ahead and take another run through that sprinkler or a good roll in the mud. We can't get these days back again.

Straight into the bathtub after this. Next project on the list is installing an outdoor shower. Every farmhouse needs one.

loving well

We have had a bit of a funky summer. Maybe I am just getting older, or maybe an extra dose of LIFE is happening all around. Either way, this summer has not been the light-hearted season I had planned. It has instead been colored by a kind of heaviness and melancholy that comes from witnessing the imperfection of humankind and the simple passing of time. There have been friends walking through difficult circumstances, loved ones growing older, children who need a new kind of parenting less about need-based provision and more about understanding choices that are right and wrong. There have been health issues and deep theological discussions, the answers to which may only be found in heaven itself. There have been confrontations with life and death and the space in between.

So when an ankle injury resurfaced from almost 20 years ago, knocking me off my feet, and my husband severely strained a muscle temporarily incapacitating him, it seemed almost comical. There is no one left to take care of us, both hobbling around like old people. (I admit I initially had little to no compassion for my husband's injury when it prevented him from taking care of me... then his pain-induced nausea turned him a sallow shade of pasty green and I decided it was the real thing.)

However debilitating these physical injuries are, they are nothing compared to some of the spiritual darkness we have witnessed over the past few months. I would choose our physical dilemmas any day over some of the other struggles in the lives of those we love. Contemplating all of it leaves me with a sifted down, simplified view of the complex life I am living. At the end of it all, whether my end comes fifty years from now or some time this week, I want to know one thing: I want to know that I have loved well.

Have I loved well in the harried moments of my day? Have I loved well in selfishly stolen quiet times? Have I loved well during the bedtime ritual when little eyes and ears want just one more story, just one more song, and just one more moment with me? Have I loved well on the telephone when conversations drew tears on the other end, through the chaos of needy little ones on my end? Have I loved well in the grocery store though I feel rushed to make it out before the meltdowns begin, when a gentle old soul with all the time in the world stops to admire my children? Have I loved well or allowed resentment to rob my joy because of a worldly understanding of justice? Have I loved well by noticing others, by remembering important details, by listening, by praying, by pausing, by encouraging, by serving, by sharing, by being present?

That is all that really matters. Loving well.

The realization has made this summer feel more inward and less outward. There has been more time with family and less time on the computer. This is as it should be. In the midst of the heaviness, here is a photo summary of some ways we are trying to love well this summer...

We spent some cherished time with my grandmother, visiting from Texas. What a blessing for my children to spend time with this Godly woman, building a relationship with their Great-Grandma!

My littlest love is requiring lots of attention these days, now crawling and standing wherever he gets a chance. He is one of the better reasons I haven't found much time to sit at the computer...

And two other little people I am trying to love well. Some days are easier than others. But the benefits include lots of trips to the pool and the beach.

Loving family and friends on the Fourth of July.

At some point this summer I let my girls watched Disney's The Little Mermaid for the first time. We made sure to fast-forward through some of the scary parts to protect young and active imaginations. The girls were enamored and we have been living in an underwater kingdom ever since. The day after their viewing Annike told me, "Sommer can be Ariel, and I will be Flounder her fish friend. Karsten can be Sebastian (the crab) and Papa can be Prince Erik.  Momma you... you can be the Evil Sea Witch!"

Gee thanks. Looks like I have quite a bit more work to do in the "loving well" department...

learning to love

As part of our summer plan for "success" (ie: Momma not pulling her hair out every time the children are arguing over a toy they never want to play with until someone else is holding it), we are memorizing the whole chapter of 1 Corinthians 13, the love chapter in the Bible. The goal is one verse per week.

It is the passage most commonly read at weddings, but is feeling awfully applicable this summer. There is nothing like an extended period of togetherness to highlight all of the areas that a person needs work. Part of learning to enjoy our summer togetherness is learning to treat each other right. No better lesson book than the Bible when it comes to learning about that...

"Love is patient,

love is kind.

It does not envy,

it does not boast,

it is not proud.

It is not rude,

it is not self-seeking,

it is not easily angered,

it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails...."

1 Corinthians 13

It turns out that most of my little family's arguments can be solved by working on one of the phrases from this verse.

...Girls, instead of fighting, let's share our toys. Remember "love is not self-seeking".

...You need to use a nicer tone of voice with me. Remember "love is not rude".

...Wait your turn. Remember "love is patient".

...Try not to get frustrated with each other. Remember "love is not easily angered".

Inevitably, when I begin to work on something with my children, my own heart simultaneously gets a makeover. This summer I keep personally getting stuck at the beginning: "Love is patient, love is kind." Getting those two things right changes the entire trajectory of our day.

The golden rule of family love is that it must always protect, always trust, always hope, always persevere. Love never fails.

mother's prayer

We started off the summer on a bad note. Within an hour of awakening on Annike's first day home I was angry, frustrated, impatient, and found myself using a military tone with my children. Of course, this is because they were whining, arguing, ignoring me, and generally being unpleasant. It may be well-deserved, but this is not how I want the summer to go.

I am morally against planning up every moment of the summer because I sincerely believe in the health of unstructured time. Unplanned hours are when children learn to be creative, when they exercise skills I didn't know they had, and when they first practice self-motivation. Their future world has plenty of structure and they need freedom to simply be kids. But I also don't want to spend the next few months dreading the way we will spend our days together. (See last summer's post here... I am still striving to avoid survival mode!)

Not wanting to fall into a cycle of frustrated, negative, parenting this summer, today started with a prayer:

A Mother's Prayer for Summer

Dearest Lord of All Seasons,

Bless our time of togetherness.

May I treasure up today for tomorrow it will be gone.

May we strike the delicate balance between rest and activity.

May our unstructured hours be fruitful in the ways that matter most.

May our boredom be fought with creativity.

May our whining be fought with gratitude.

May our arguing be fought with appreciation.

May our selfishness be fought with perspective.

Guide us as we choose our words, our hearts, our attitudes.

Together life is better, we laugh longer, we love stronger.

Help us view each day a unique opportunity.

The lesson isn't just for them. It also is for me.

Amen.

I am also re-convicted to be consistent with our family breakfast devotional time. My friend's blog at Not My Own once recommended the VeggieTales "365 Very Veggie Devos", and I must agree that it feels just right for small children. The short and simple lessons are about sharing, telling the truth, being kind, obeying - all very applicable to the little group listening. If you aren't currently using something you like, I recommend it!

We also started a summertime sticker chart with the goal of keeping us intentional and providing alternatives to television as a time-filler. I made Annike's first, and wrote the title at the top:

"Annike's Summer Chart".  

Annike was participating, and as I moved on to the second chart, she suggested I write:

"Sommer's Annike Chart."

Hmmm. A bit confusing when you name a child after a season.

So this is how our summer will go. It is never too late to start over, set some better goals, and PRAY for the Lord to bless our endeavors!

(This video made me laugh. I hope you are not viewing it sideways. The narrative is not important, but the joy of watching my three kids fill up the swing set is. Anyone want to join us at the park?!)

independence day

I remember during my first pregnancy that the 3rd trimester didn't seem as bad as everyone talked about. My body didn't feel overly cumbersome until around 32 weeks, maybe later.

Today I am 28 weeks pregnant with my 3rd baby, and it feels like the 3rd trimester began a few weeks ago. I am starting to make grunting noises when I bend over to pick something up. Or deciding that I don't really need to bend down after all - I would rather stare at that toy under the table than crawl down there to get it. I am doing things like constantly under-dressing my children because I am so warm, though admittedly, they tend to under-dress themselves so I won't waste time worrying about it.

Despite it all, we have a barn that calls out loudly for the chance to host an annual Fourth of July party. And we have fun friends who love to come. And, thank the Lord, we have helpful friends who don't mind pitching in to watch the kids or carry loads of food and utensils to and from the house. And these fun, helpful friends happen to be innovative cooks, so we always have loads of delicious food.

The best thing about this party, besides the fun, helpful, innovative friends.... is that it is OUTSIDE! This translates to mean that watching 20 kids under the age of 7 run freely around is enjoyable and not chaotic. This means that everyone comes prepared to have some good clean all-American fun, and part of that is leaving a whole lot dirtier than they started. Especially those under the age of 2. Next year I will warn guests not to wear white. Stick to just plain red and blue.

The all-American fun includes a number of optional activitiess... like a wagon ride.

... a hay ride in the back of the truck. Pregnant women aren't allowed on this one unless they are trying to induce labor.

... a bucket ride on the tractor. Pregnant women definitely excluded.

... face-painting.

 ... roasting marshmellos.

... and Sparklers, of course! 

Maybe one day we will make it out to see the fireworks at night. California's budget cuts seem to have eliminated the official firework displays in our area. Ahhh but the local neighborhood displays can be viewed from the driveway until well after midnight. For this season in our lives, with tired little people always to think of, a barbeque in the barn suits us perfectly. We thank God for the freedom we have to celebrate when we want, how we want, with whomever we want.

This final picture is how I will forever remember my girls at this age. Being silly with each other, in show of love. Having a blast with friends, but the best time with each other.

God bless America.

summertime

I have been trying to treasure up time with my children during these final summer months before Annike begins Kindergarten, and thus begins the daily commitment of school that won't end until she is 18, or 30, depending on which route she chooses to take.

Treasuring up this time, I have discovered, is strictly a discipline of my attitude.

In my summer blog-reading, I have come across quite a few posts on tips for "surviving summer" with the kiddos at home. Upon reading these, I have the general thought that I never want to be in the place where I feel like I need to survive summer.

But I admit, it can be a struggle. I am prone to those deer-in-headlight moments when I will do anything to peel the kids off my legs and engage them in something constructive rather than destructive. We have had days in this house when my kids have watched so much t.v. that even they don't feel like watching t.v. anymore. And I know that if we don't get out of the house in the morning, then our afternoons are unbelievably long and that dreadful hour before dinner is literally the slowest nightmare ever lived through. I relate with the mom who needs some additional survival skills to be equipped to handle children all day long, all month long, all summer long....

Aside: Can I pause here to say that for the mother of young children who is privileged to stay home or work from home (for instance: me) or the mom who has chosen to homeschool that this idea of having children home all day long is not just a summertime phenomenon?

Still.... I never want to be stuck in survival mode with my children. Because survival mode means I am not able to enjoy them. Shouldn't that be something that we mothers do best? Enjoy our children. If for no other reason than the reality that if we do not enjoy them, who else is going to?

Treasuring time with my children is a discipline of my attitude. It is my choice to see summer as a gift of time with my kiddos, or a dreaded pause in space which I need desperately to fill with some activity or other. I am not saying I am good at that whole celebrating the time we have with our children. But it does seem to me that the difference is a simple change in attitude. This time is an opportunity. It is precious. It is now or never.

Thus, my strategies for doing more than survive summer, for actually enjoying our final days of freedom from someone else's schedule (hence, school) are:

• Make time to be present - I don't just love these kids of mine, I like them! It should be somewhat evident to them that I want to spend time with them. They deserve some real time from me each day when I am present. Being present is also known as: not talking on the phone or attempting to zone out on the internet or otherwise trying to accomplish something while I am with them. I understand that Mommas have things they need to do, and the house sure doesn't clean itself. But my children are worth spending time with, and I want them to know it.

• Say "Yes" more often - In an energy-depleted state, I find myself wanting to say "No" all the time. I hear my friends saying "No" to their kids too, for simple things, and then I wonder if I am doing the same thing. When I say "No", I want it to matter. Like saying no to running around with sharp sticks, or to tying a leash around sister's neck. Those are bad ideas that require an emphatic parenting "No". But there are a lot of things we mothers say "No" to simply because we are being lazy. Summer is the time of year to say "Yes" to some of those activities that require more energy on my part. Like saying yes to getting out the paint. And yes to making a mud puddle in the back yard that will stand in for a kiddie pool. And yes to building forts and tents with every blanket or pillow that exists in the house. And yes to skipping rest time so we can go somewhere fun. 

The thing is that when I do these two things, I am the one who actually benefits. My kids are content. They rest better in the afternoon, they watch less t.v., and they have fewer discipline issues. It is a win-win situation that hinges on my attitude. Will I choose to enjoy or to survive today?

independence day

No one says it better than Martina McBride...

"Let freedom ring,

let the white dove sing

let the whole world know that today is a day of reckoning.

Let the weak be strong,

let the right be wrong.

 Roll the stone away,

Let the guilty pay,

 it's Independence Day."