1. Use a frozen crust. Leave it in the microwave for too long until it becomes a mushy mess.
2. Press the crust into the pie pan, but don't worry if the crust does not reach to the top edge of the pan. Go ahead and under cook that crust, too.
3. Consult 3 different strawberry pie recipes. Mix and match instructions according to which ingredients you happen to have in your cupboard.
4. Pay no attention to the portion of the recipe that says to boil the strawberries while "stirring constantly". It is okay to walk away and do something else, like entertain your child, feed her, and step outside for a few moments to look for your husband so that he can watch her because, by now, it is probably time to get back to stirring.
5. Overfill your pie crust so the strawberry filling runs between the crust and the pie pan. Of course, this won't happen if your crust is above the edge of the pie pan (see step 2).
6. Ignore the instructions to let the pie set in the refrigerator for 2-3 hours. Leave the pie unattended on the counter top where your husband can discover it and sneak a piece before it has cooled.
Wa La! You have a freshly baked strawberry mess!
Note from the Cook:
While you might have followed these instructions flawlessly, I would like to recommend that you not give this pie away to the friends you planned to take dinner to tomorrow (sorry, Staci!) It might be better to keep it at home and eat it yourselves.
When baking a pie like this, I try to remember that God has given me many passions and talents. Cooking is not one of them. I thank Him for the other things in my life that I am good at.