the joy of giving

The Christmas season is drawing to a close and the New Year is quickly approaching. I finally have a moment to sit and reflect upon this beautiful season. The highlight of Christmas this year was witnessing Annike's progression in understanding the purpose of gifts during this season.

Christmas with small children is a lot of hearing them look forward to the presents they will get. I remember the feeling too as a child when I couldn't wait to tear into those enticing packages tempting me under the tree.

In the final weeks before Christmas we did our best to combat the "want" feeling with gentle reminders... What is Christmas really about? Giving. Who is the real gift? Jesus.

In an effort to emphasize the "giving" side of Christmas, I usually have Annike shop for a small present to give to a few family members. It takes a lot of parental direction. "I think Daddy would like a new toy animal!" she says, or "How about getting him this coloring book? Maybe he will let me color my favorite pages!" Unfortunately, the ability to give unselfishly does not come naturally to all people. But I have learned it can be taught, and it can be practiced over and over until we get better at it.

This year was different. Of her own accord, Annike made the most precious compilation of themed animal books to give as gifts. There was a book about rain forest animals, aquarium animals, baby animals, alphabetic animals, swamp animals, zoo animals, and a few more. Each contained pages and pages of colorful drawings. Each made with careful attention to detail. Many included narration.

She was excited to wrap them all on her own. On Christmas morning, instead of running to her stocking or the first present she planned to open, Annike raced to find these presents she had so carefully wrapped herself and placed under the tree. She couldn't wait to give these gifts to their recipients. Joy overcame her as the giver of good gifts.

I felt so proud, and so hopeful as I watched her. Once in a while all of those things I keep repeating over and over until even I am not listening to the sound of my own voice, get through to the heart. For once I didn't have to remind her with a gentle prod and a false smile that it is fun to give... because she already knew.

Belated Merry Christmas!

(This was the best gift that came in my stocking!)

keep it simple

This is the first year I can remember that I wasn't excited about getting all of the Christmas decorations out. Something to do with the way that my house already feels so cluttered all the time. On top of all of the toys everywhere, and the other people living in this house who don't seem to be bothered by any of the mess, we added a baby. He came with a baby swing and a bouncy seat and a bassinet and a whole lot of hand-me-down clothes and he added some burp clothes to the arm of every chair in the house. I was dreading the additional Christmas clutter.

The Christmas season can be a struggle because at Christmas there is so much more... more parties, more mail, more shopping, more pressure, more stuff. More of everything except time. Less time. When you add more to an already full life, you just get... overwhelmed. Every year it catches me by surprise.

We tied to keep it simple this year. There are the stockings, and some lights around the windows, and the Christmas tree. It was a good decision to only hang half of our usual ornaments because as it is the ornaments seem to be migrating around my house.

We took a weekend away with the family. Vacations are different with 3 kids to manage and nap schedules to remember, or ignore and pay the consequences for later. But even so, we took a step away from the holiday anxiety. For one weekend I didn't have to think about the presents I still need to buy, the Christmas cards I haven't sent yet, or anything on my holiday to-do list. We had a simple weekend with the kiddos and the snow.

Sometimes less is more.

Yosemite was a genuine winter wonderland. Especially for those of us who live on the central California coast and see no snow. It seemed to me that God just wanted to show off his attention to detail when He created this place.

This little guy slept, and slept, and slept in his cozy stroller.

And once in a while he woke up!

light in the darkness

Our holiday weight loss plan was to take Sommer to a public place and let her put everything in her mouth, thus bringing home a violent stomach bug for Christmas. Okay, it wasn't exactly the "plan", but that is what happened.

The day before Christmas our littlest daughter awoke vomiting in the wee hours of the morning. Holding my baby while she heaved, 5, 6, 7 times, unable to tell me what hurt or when it was coming, has to be one of the more heartbreaking things I have done as a mother. We somehow survived the day, with the low moment being a severe code brown while both girls were in the tub.

The sickness passed and Sommer seemed to be feeling better. My family was given an informed account, but still wanted us to visit for Christmas. We all made it through a wonderful, celebratory Christmas morning and family-oriented Christmas afternoon. We stuffed ourselves for dinner. Then it hit. In a span of 30 minutes, Annike, Christian, and I were all down with the same violent virus. Merry Christmas to us!

This particular Christmas has been a strange one. It seems like darkness has been at work, doing its best to prevent us from seeing the Light. We witnessed more sadness than usual this December. A sadness that often felt like darkness. We have seen a young mother diagnosed with cancer. A young child sentenced to a lifelong disease. Friends experiencing unexplained health issues. A dark cloud of discontent and anger in people we have interactions with. And, of course, there is little that compares to the shadow cast upon December by the shooter in Newtown, Connecticut. How my heart hurts for the people in that town whose lives have been forever changed.

While I was up all that Christmas night, trying to sleep between episodes of our own dark illness, I grasped onto the truth that no amount of darkness will win out over the Light. My mind and spirit clung to immense thankfulness... for a good partner to help hold the children... for the knowledge that this would be over within 24 hours unlike the bad news that so many others had this season... for the still small voice that whispered for me to do laundry before this all happened readying many pairs of clean pjs... for my brave brave 4 year old... for a baby who slept through it all... for my mother who would help us and take care of us as only a mother will, highly contagious disease and all... for the strength I knew was not my own.

Through it all we must remember that the Light has already won. In a sleep-deprived, sick night comes the deepest kind of gratitude. Just like, out of a smelly stable came a royal King. From a humble baby in a manger came the Wisdom we have all be looking for. Through a cruel death came the world's Savior. In the face of all that is inexplicable, He is the Answer.

Excerpts from Isaiah chapter 9 (italics mine): 

"Nevertheless there will be no more gloom for those who were in distress....

The people walking in darkness have seen a great light;

on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned.

You have enlarged the nation and increased their joy;

they rejoice before you as people rejoice at the harvest...

For to us a child is born,

to us a Son is given,

and the government will be on His shoulders.

And He will be called

Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,

Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Of the increase of His government and peace there will be no end...

The zeal of the Lord Almighty will accomplish this."

the nutcracker

On Sunday afternoon, we got to go on a special girls date. Annike, my mother, and I were invited by the Sugar Plum Fairy herself.

The Sugar Plum Fairy happens to be a good friend of our family's, a child I babysat regularly, and the flower girl from our wedding (which was clearly a while ago because look at what a lady she is now!). She personally invited us to Carmel's fantastic performance of the Nutcracker. What a treat! She was beautiful, with all of the poise and grace of an enchanted fairy.

Annike was enthralled. She couldn't take her eyes off the dancers. During every pause in the music she shouted in her high piping voice, "Now what?!" and "Where is the Nutcracker?!" and "When is he going to become a prince?!?" sending the audience around us into giggles. The enthusiasm was clear.

Prior to the show we joined a special group of little girls and mothers for a fancy tea in our winter best. It was complete with tiny sandwiches, a dessert buffet, and Annike's favorite "bubbly apple juice".  (Papa told her once that the apples in the orchard next door to us grow the apples that make the Martinelli's bubbly apple juice... to which she replied, "Are they growing bubbly apples?")

We were little princesses. The afternoon reminded me that every little girl should know that she is worthy of being celebrated. Since having Sommer I haven't taken much time to spend individual, undivided time with Annike. Dates like these will definitely be added to our annual priority list.

Of course, the day would not be complete without a reenactment of the ballet. Proper attire optional.

A little more work to do? Maybe. It is really hard to be a good ballerina with little sister in the way.

core values

Blogging has taken a backseat to Christmas this year, as it should. We are doing our best to celebrate Christmas in a meaningful way. A big part of that is simply being available to celebrate a little at a time throughout the entire month of December.

With most of the shopping out of the way (last post), celebrating a little at a time has spawned many spur-of-the-moment holiday crafts...like a family portrait (fingerprints by all of us, antlers by Annike)

... and a wine-cork Christmas tree (no, we did not drink all of these bottles in December)

... and a few snowflakes suspended throughout our home.

In December we have also managed to squeeze in some holiday baking with the last of the fruit in the orchard. These green apples have ended in some delicious desserts.

Our healthy choice for December has been using the old Halloween candy for decorating the gingerbread house instead of for eating. The brilliance of this is simultaneously clearing out the cupboards to make room for all of the Christmas chocolate coming our way.

The Christmas tree looks a little different every year. After breaking a large handful of glass ornaments during the first hours of tree set-up, we made an attempt at toddler-proofing by putting it on top of an old table from the barn. Not a decorating strategy I want to repeat every year, but it seems to be doing the trick. We hung a few kid-friendly ornaments on the lower branches within Sommer's reach, but as I suspected, they have not remained on the tree.

Overall we have clearly been having a lot of fun because the kids are worn out...

Making Christmas meaningful for our children is always a challenge. Despite all efforts at downplaying the wrapped packages under the tree, Annike will tell you she is most excited about the presents she gets to open on Christmas day. How do you combat that?

We are trying to fight it with a few core Christmas values. Ours are:

• Togetherness - Being together, being present while we are together, celebrating Christmas a little at a time in the moment with each other, celebrating one of the greatest gifts of the season which is these people in my life who I love so much.
• Giving - This point will be hammered into them: We are giving, giving, giving,... the only way to counteract the "getting". We are giving gifts, giving crafts, giving sweet treats, all of our favorites will be given away. Whether you like it or not, small children, YOU WILL GIVE!
• Anticipation - Advent is all about anticipating the coming of the Messiah. Children anticipate Christmas day the way that the ancient Jews anticipated their Savior. This parallel can makes it a little easier for these little people to understand the excitement of Jesus coming to earth. We can't wait to celebrate the best Gift of all! Preparing to receive that Gift is what December is all about.

And just when I fear the most important Message may be occluded by the bombardment of the consumer-based messages, Annike asks me an insightful question like "Why do we hang apples and snowmen on our Christmas tree if Christmas is about Jesus?"

Great question, honey. Let me think about that for a minute and come up with a wise response.

christmas giving

Thanksgiving is over, and it is now safe to admit that I am listening to Christmas music.

As soon as Turkey day passes, I inevitably begin to feel the impending anxiety of Christmas approaching.  My to-do lists grow as my time shrinks. It seems that every year I begin December with great optimism about my ability to do Christmas "right", and every year I exit December exhausted, wondering what happened to all of my good intentions.

I am remembering my final trip to the mall last year, three days before Christmas. My first mistake was believing I could do any Christmas shopping with a 3 year old and a 3 month old in tow.  My second mistake was waiting until the last minute to do it.  Of course, that may have been because I was trying not to make the first mistake. I was armed with the double stroller and lots of snacks.  It seemed that every woman my mother's age and older stopped me to tell me how cute my kids were and how brave I was to go Christmas shopping with two children and then they each had a lengthy, detailed story they wanted to share about the time they had gone shopping with their own children back in the day. While I love women, and love the grandmother age, I began to feel anxious about the ticking time bombs in my stroller. So anxious thinking about all that I had left to do before Christmas and how little time I had left to do it that I could not enjoy the kindly intentions of these women. Instead of shouting, I have about 45 minutes until total meltdown occurs, 10 people to buy presents for, and you are using up precious shopping minutes! I resorted to simply being rude.

Forty-five minutes later we made an emergency exit with a screaming baby, having made no good purchases. It was one thing to feel frustrated at an unsuccessful shopping trip, but another to feel disappointed in myself for the way I behaved. Being rude to women who were enjoying my children did not help me accomplish my tasks.  It only put a damper on my day, and possibly the day of others. (But, seriously, maybe next time these women can hold the baby and play with the 3-year-old for a few minutes while I shop?)

The problem with giving at Christmas is all of the obligation involved.

You see, I love the idea of giving. I love the idea of finding just the right object that will bless the people on my list. As fall roles around I typically get excited about something I am giving to my mom, or someone else in the family.  But by the time Christmas arrives there is always someone (usually a handful of people, usually male) that I just haven't a clue what to get.  This is what I mean by obligation. Suddenly I am not buying because there is something special to give, but instead because I feel the obligation to put something in a pretty package for someone to open. Thus Christmas falls prey to commercialism. It might be why my dad has more than 30 flashlights next to his bed. Though, he does love a good flashlight.

At the heart of Christmas is the spirit of giving, and in itself there is nothing wrong with this. Where I fall short is the way that I give. Going on the mad hunt for presents last minute, spending hours in the mall because it is too late to order online, should not be what Christmas is about. That style of giving actually prevents me from giving in more meaningful ways.

Giving in a meaningful way is sometimes giving a thoughtful gift, but it is also giving a memory... giving an experience... giving a tradition... giving words... giving homemade (though there is no question that this option is NOT a time-saver)... giving food... giving fun... and most often, giving the gift of a me that is present in the moment, not prone to distraction or hurry.

So, my strategy for celebrating Christmas this year with purpose and intention is to minimize the amount of time I obsess over giving just the right gift to someone. And the truth is, as a good friend pointed out, no one gets me the perfect gift either. Why? Because there is no perfect gift! It simply does not exist. And the longer I spend looking for it, the more mediocre, imperfect and generic all of the things around me seem - because they are!  Things are just another imperfect way of saying "I thought of you."

While shopping is going to be a small part of my December, it does not need to play a major role. Part of my strategy for giving it a lesser focus is getting all of the necessary shopping out of the way early (like this week) so that the rest of my December can be spent building memories, capturing traditions, and being the giving-hearted Christmas-spirited person that I want to be, saving time to experience Christmas in all the ways that matter most.

christmas time is here

There are reasons we all love the holidays, and reasons we all dread them.  This week I am having my annual oh-no-I-haven't-started-Christmas-shopping-yet stress out session.  Every year I think I will be purchasing less presents than the year before, but I somehow get sucked into the mad dash of gift-buying as the actual day of Christmas approaches.  Sigh.

Materialism is why I dread Christmas. But there are plenty of reasons I love this time of year... the traditions, the nostalgia, the glow of white Christmas lights in my living room, the smell of pine needles, the crackle of the fireplace.  And some other favorites...


favorite morning ritual:  Eggnog instead of creamer in my coffee.

favorite holiday grocery item: Fondue (we buy pre-boxed at Nob Hill) - great for a festive dinner in minutes when you cut up a loaf of bread and an apple for dipping.  Yum!


favorite baked good:  Homemade Cinnamon Rolls.  The Pioneer Woman really rocks these.  Just when I was starting to lose the baby weight, I had to go and make some of these.  Oh well.  What crazy person tries to lose weight around the holidays anyway?

favorite family outing:  Cutting down the Christmas tree, of course!  We didn't cut it down this year, due to tricky nap schedules.  But we did make a special family outing and chose our together at a great little locally-owned and family-operated farm.  We tried a new variety (a Grand Fir) and it is one of the best trees we've had.

favorite activity with kids:  Decorating the Christmas tree.  Last year I hung all of the breakable ornaments at the top, and when our tree fell over in the middle of the night (huge crash, Christian thought we were being robbed, but no, it was just the tree on the ground) we lost the majority of our glass ornaments.  They were missed when I opened up the ornament box last week, but our tree is officially kid-friendly.  Hanging the ornaments was right up Annike's alley this year.  She had an incredible attention span for getting those tiny loops around the branches.  I had to redistribute when she wasn't looking.











favorite advent activity:  The Christmas story told in 24 parts.  We are loving this advent calendar, new this year from Oma, which tells the story of Mary and Baby Jesus in 24 tiny little doors.  In past years we have used the chocolate advent calendars, which are unquestionably meaningless.  Advent is more than simply counting down the days until Christmas, it is engaging in active preparation to celebrate the arrival of our Savior.

favorite secular christmas song:  Mariah Carey's "All I want for Christmas is You".  Yes, that is embarrassing to admit.  It takes me back to my college days (when that was everyone's favorite song.)


favorite spiritual christmas song: "Oh Holy Night".  I almost can't hear it without tearing up.


favorite christmas book:  What Child is This? by Caroline B. Cooney.  An easy one-day read.  This tiny book is about a foster child who makes her angel-tree wish for a family instead of something material like a pair of shoes.  I cry for the final half of the book.  It makes me want to adopt children.

favorite scripture passage:  Isaiah 9:6-7 "For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders.  And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.  Of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end..."


favorite old holiday tradition:  Listening to my dad read one of his favorite short stories to us: "A Christmas Memory" by Truman Capote.  He can't get through it without tearing up.  It isn't the story that I love; it is listening to the way the story moves my father that touches me.  Along with some humorous characterizations, the story captures the true essence of relationships at Christmas, and the beauty in a holiday tradition.  It almost makes fruitcake sound like a good idea.

favorite new holiday tradition:  Anonymous giving.  I wrote about one of our favorite family traditions in my blog post last year, here.  We did not get on the ball to adopt a family this year (that seems to be a theme for my life this fall... not being on top of things), but the act of giving, especially anonymously, is surely the action I think the most about upon exiting December.  As a young family we are still in the stage of creating traditions.  I pray that my me-centered-children learn to derive more joy from the act of sharing our abundance with others than they do from receiving gifts.  Pretty sure they are not there yet.  Hopefully with consistency and a lot of emphasis on what is truly important, they too, will grow to love the giving opportunities this season provides.






I feel better already, just focusing on the reasons to adore this month of Christmas.  I just might decide to forego the rest of my shopping (and stress) and enjoy some more meaningful traditions instead.

Merry Christmas!

I linked up with Not My Own to share about intentional family traditions at Christmas

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