I know it will get easier, I know that what I am doing is no more difficult than what any other mother of two (or three, or five) is doing, and I absolutely know that God will give me the grace and patience to the kind of mom that He would like me to be... but in the meantime, it definitely feels like a stretch.
Needless to say, blog-time is not a priority. Neither is me-time. Come to think of it, momentarily, the only thing I have time for is taking care of two children. The only reason I have time for that is because my husband is taking care of me.
Exhausting? Yes. But despite it all, I do recognize that this stage I am in right now is temporary. And amidst the doubts and anxieties and guilt about all of the other things I should be doing (writing thank you notes, returning phone calls, cleaning the macaroni and cheese off the floor from last week), I see quite clearly that two little lives have been entrusted to me. And that God will give me all of the strength I need to rise to the occasion and take good care of them.
Maybe that is what scares me the most? These two little lives are a severely important responsibility, and I sure don't feel like I am capable of doing a good job. I am sleep-deprived, emotional, impatient and anxious. I cry a lot. I feel like giving up once in a while. And I wish I could take a lot more naps. But ultimately, way down deep inside of me, I do know that God is not only giving me strength to make it through each day, but also teaching me to be a good mother. Phase one of that lesson is dying-to-self.
So, while I happen to be here in blog-land, a few pictures of these two little lives...
|One way I have learned to multi-task with a child who doesn't want to be put down.|
|Annike's baby doll needed to use the bouncy seat too.|
|Tired Momma, and happy girls.|
|One of Sommer's first smiles! At 2 weeks old - she must be brilliant :)|
|One of Annike's many smiles.|